oein_satori

Last night within the chambers of my mind I experienced a visitation – wherever it was an internal based manifestation or one granted by the larger reality I am unsure, or even if that is of importance at this time –
But one thing I do know, is I have a lot of growing up to do!

Thought I should inject a bit of life into the auld Ljournal, and what better to do then have a ego massage momment with my newly recieved psych report...

Idealist-

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development.

Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey.

Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all.

Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is.

The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.


Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere.

More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. T

hey believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.


Idealists are rare, making up between 20 and 25 percent of the population (Although some theorise between 1 and 5 percent). But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.


****

How shiney do I sound!

*off to find glitter*

Stolen emmm... borrowed from celticsoulfire








What Planet Are You From?


this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

Lets see if this works...

On the negative side, there is a lot of nervous tension associated with the 11 life path, and you can be a difficult person to deal with because of this. For this reason, relationships, at times, can be difficult. This is a Life Path that seems to feature broad mood swings between the elation and depression. You are likely to have trouble making decisions and getting your life in gear, so to speak. There is a tendency for the 11 to harbor feelings of uneasiness, and dissatisfaction with accomplishments and personal progress in life. Your grandiose schemes usually make sense, but you can get off the track and they can be very impractical. You have a very distinct side that lacks common sense, and you are quite often unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality. In this regard, you are perhaps more of a dreamer than a doer. When you do get on target, your ideas seem to have been inspired on high. Perhaps you are not a leader, but you are a visionary and a very talented idea person.

The Life Path Number
The Life Path is the sum of the birth date. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The most important number that will be discussed here is your Life Path number. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.
The Life Path number is established from the date of birth. First, convert the month to a single number or a master number (November stays 11 rather than 2). Then convert the day of birth to a single digit or master number. Next, add the total digits of year and reduce this sum to a single digit or master number. The individual digits representing the month, day, and year, be they single digits or master numbers, are then added together, as necessary to reduce the sum once again to a single digit 1 through 9, or to the numerology "master numbers," 11 or 22. These master numbers, as components of the date or as a final result, are not reduced any further.

Example: If a person was born on October 23, 1972 (10-23-1972*), add the month 10 (which is reduced to 1) to the day 23 (which is reduced to 5) plus the the year 1972 (which reduces to 19, then to 10 and finally to 1**). Thus, the total of the month, day, and year is 1+5+1. This date is a 7 Lifepath.

*Be sure to add the full year, not just the last two digits, i.e. 1969, not 69.
**For some reason, this step is often overlooked when the total is 10. 1+0=1

Read about your lifepath number: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 11 22


1
The Life Path 1 drive in this life is characterized by individualist desires, independence, and the need for personal attainment. The purpose to be fulfilled on this Life Path is that of becoming independent. This is a two part learning process; first, you must learn to stand on your own two feet and learn not to depend on others. After you are indeed free and independent, you must learn to be a leader. Many of our Generals, corporate leaders, and political leaders are men and women having the Life Path number 1. The 1 always has the potential for greatness as a leader, but they may fail as a follower. Many 1's spend most of their lives shaking off their dependent side. When this happens, there is little time left for enjoying the rewards to be gained through independence. The individual with Life Path 1 has to overcome an environment in which it is very easy to be dependent, and difficult to be independent.
A person with positive 1 traits abounds in creative inspiration, and possesses the enthusiasm and drive to accomplish a great deal. Your drive and potential for action comes directly from the enormous depth of strength you have. This is both the physical and inner varieties of strength. With this strength comes utter determination and the capability to lead. As a natural leader you have a flair for taking charge of any situation. Highly original, you may have talents as an inventor or innovator of some sort. In any work that you choose, your independent attitude can show through. You have very strong personal needs and desires, and you feel it is always necessary to follow your own convictions. You are ambitious, and either understand or must learn the need for aggressive action to promote yourself. Although you may hide the fact for social reasons, you are highly self-centered and demand to have your way in most circumstances.

When the 1 Life Path person is not fully developed and expressing the negative side of this number, the demeanor may appear very dependent rather than independent. If you are expressing this negative trait of the number 1, you are likely to be very dissatisfied with your circumstances, and long for self-sufficiency. This is defined as the weak or dependent side of the negative 1 Life Path. On the strong side of this negative curve, the 1 energy can become too self-serving, selfish and egotistical. Over-confidence and impatience mark this individual.

2
The positive attributes of the number 2 Life Path produces extremely sensitive people who generally have the most delicate ability to be balanced and fair. You clearly see the full spectrum of viewpoints in any argument or situation, and because of this people may seek you out to be a mediator. In this role you are able to settle disputes with the most unbiased flair. There is sincere concern for others; you think the best of people, and want the best for them. You are totally honest and open in thought, word and deed. You are apt to excel in any for of group activity where your expertise in handling and blending people can be used effectively. Manners and tact mark your way with others at all times, and you are not one to dominate a group or situation. You are the master of compromise and of maintaining harmony in your environment, never stooping to aggravate or argue.
In many ways, you are a creature of habit and routine, and you like to your path and pattern well worn and familiar. A natural collector, you rarely dispose of anything that may have a shred of value.

The negative side of the 2 is hardly a problem. The biggest obstacle and difficulty you may face is that of passivity and a state of apathy and lethargy. The negative 2 can be very pessimistic and accomplishes very little. Needless to say, the negative 2 doesn't belong in the business world and even the more positive individual with the 2 Life Path may prefer a more amiable and less competitive environment.

3
The number 3 Life Path is one that emphasizes expression, sociability, and creativity as the lesson to be learned in this life. Here we are apt to find the entertainers of the world, bright, effervescent, sparkling people with very optimistic attitudes. A truly gifted 3 possesses the most exceptional creative skills, normally in the verbal realm, writing, speaking, acting, or similar endeavors. The lesson to be learned with a 3 life path is that of achievement through expression. The bright side of this path stresses harmony, beauty and pleasures; of sharing your creative talents with the world. Capturing your capability in creative self-expression is the highest level of attainment for this life path. The characteristics of the 3 are warmth and friendliness, a good conversationalist, social and open. A good conversationalist both from the standpoint of being a delight to listen to, but even more importantly, one who has the ability to listen to others. Accordingly, the life path 3 produces individuals who are always a welcome addition to any social situation and know how to make others feel at home. The creative imagination is present, if sometimes latent, as the 3 may not be moved to develop his talent. The approach to life tends to be exceedingly positive, however, and your disposition is almost surely sunny and open-hearted. You effectively cope with all of the many setbacks that occur in life and readily bounce back for more. It is usually easy for you to deal with problems because you can freely admit the existence of problems without letting them get you down. You have good manners and seem to be very conscious of other people's feelings and emotions. Life is generally lived to the fullest, often without much worry about tomorrow. You are not very good at handling money because of a general lack of concern about it. You spend it when you have it and don't when you don't.
On the negative side, a 3 may be so delighted with the joy of living that the life becomes frivolous and superficial. You may scatter your abilities and express little sense of purpose. The 3 can be an enigma, for no apparent reason you may become moody and tend to retreat. Escapist tendencies are not uncommon with the 3 life path, and you find it very hard to settle into one place or one position. Guard against being critical of others, impatient, intolerant, or overly optimistic.

Typically, the life path 3 gives an above-average ability in some art form. This can encompass painting, interior decorating, landscaping, crafts, writing, music, or the stage, or all of the above. You are apt to be a happy, inspired person, constantly seeking the stimuli of similar people. Your exuberant nature can take you far, especially if you are ever able to focus your energies and talents.

4
The Life Path 4 produces the most trustworthy, practical, and down-to-earth of individuals; the cornerstone members of society. The goal of this life path is learning to take orders and to carry them out with dedication and perseverance. You always demand as much from yourself as you do from others, and sometimes a lot more. You have the kind of will power that is often mistaken for sheer stubbornness. Once a decision is made, it will be followed through to the conclusion, right, wrong, or indifferent; you are very set in your ways and determined to handle things the way you are so certain that they should be handled. Your tenacity of purpose and ability to get the job done borders on obsession.
You are an excellent organizer and planner because of your innate ability to view things in a very common sense and practical way. You are a wonderful manager with a great sense of how to get the job done.

Loyal and devoted, you make the best of your marriage, and you are a dependable business partner. Friends may be few in number, but you are very close to them and once friendships are made, they often last a lifetime. The number 4 is solidly associated with the element of earth from which it gains it strength and utter sense of reality. You are one of the most dependable people you know. If patience and determination can ever win, you are sure to achieve great success in life.

The negative side of the 4 can prove dogmatic to an excess, narrow-minded, and repressive. A lot of skin-deep people turn you off, and you lack the tact to keep your feelings from being totally clear to all around. Additionally, the negative 4 has a bad tendency to get too caught up in the daily routine of affairs and often misses the big picture and major opportunities that come along once in a while.

5
A Life Path 5 person is usually very versatile, adventurous, and progressive. With a 5 life path, you are one of those people who is always striving to find answers to the many questions that life poses. You want to be totally unrestrained, as this is the sign of freedom and independence. You abhor routine and boring work, and you are not very good at staying with everyday tasks that must be finished on time. You are, however, a good communicator, and you know how to motivate people around you, perhaps inclining you to be a teacher of some sort. A love of adventure may dominate your life. This may take the form of mental or physical manifestation, but in either case, you thrill to the chance for exploration and blazing new trails. You are apt to be multi-talented, but just as likely to suffer from some lack of direction, and there is often some confusion surrounding your ambition.
On the average, the number 5 personality is rather happy-go-lucky; living for today, and not worrying too much about tomorrow. It is important for you to mix with people of a like mind, and try to avoid those that are too serious and demanding. It is also important for you to find a job that provides thought-provoking tasks rather than routine and redundant responsibilities. You do best dealing with people, but the important thing is that you have the freedom to express yourself at all times. You have an innate ability to think through complex matters and analyze them quickly, but then be off to something new.

In the most negative application or use of the 5 energies, you could become very irresponsible in tasks and decisions concerning your home and business life. The total pursuit of sensation and adventure can result in your becoming self-indulgent and totally unaware of the feelings of those around you. In the worse case situations negative 5's are very undependable and self-serving.

6
The Life Path 6 indicates that very prominent in your nature is a strong sense of responsibility. You are idealistic and must feel useful to be happy. The main contribution you make is that of advice, service and ever present support. This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility, thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. The Life Path 6 is one who is compelled to function with strength and compassion, a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources. Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of this Life Path. Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age allowing you to easily span the generation gap and assume an important role in life early on. While the 6 may assume huge responsibilities in the community, the life revolves around the immediate home and family, for this is the most domestic of numbers. Most with Life Path 6 are the positive types who willingly carry far more than their fair share of the load and are always there when needed. You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, family and friends.
The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path. Avoid a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others. Also, avoid being too critical (of yourself or of others). The misuse of this Life Path produces tendencies towards exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness. Imposing one's views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern. The natural burdens of this number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6. This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others.

7
A Life Path 7 person is a peaceful and affectionate soul, and by nature rather reserved and analytical. The overwhelming strength of the number 7 is reflected in the depth of thinking that is shown; you will garner knowledge from practically every source that you find. Intellectual, scientific and studious, you don't accept a premise until you have dissected the subject and arrived at you own independent conclusion. This is a very spiritual number and it often denotes a sort of spiritual wisdom that becomes apparent at a fairly early age. You need a good deal of quiet time to be with your own inner thoughts and dreams. You dislike crowds, noise and confusion. You are very thorough and complete in your work, the perfectionist who expects everyone else to be a meet a high standard of performance, too. You evaluate situations very quickly and with amazing accuracy. You rely heavily on your experiences and your intuition, rather than accepting advice from someone; your hunches usually prove to be very accurate, and knowing this, you are one who tends to follow the directions they seem to guide. It's easy for you to detect deception and recognize insincere people. You aren't one to have a wide circle of friends, but once you accept someone as a friend, it's for life. You really aren't a very social person, and your reserve is often taken to be aloofness. Actually, it's not that at all, but merely a cover up for your basic feeling of insecurity. You actually like being alone, away from the hustle and bustle of modern life. In many ways, you would have fit in better in much earlier times when the pace of life was less hectic.
In the most negative use of the 7 energies, you can become very pessimistic, lackadaisical, quarrelsome, and secretive. A Life Path 7 individual who is not living life fully and gaining through experiences, is a hard person to live with because of a serious lack of consideration and because there is such a negative attitude. The negative 7 is very selfish and spoiled. If you have any of the negative traits they are very difficult to get rid of because you tend to feel that the world really does owe you a living or in some way is not being fairly treated. Fortunately, the negative 7 is not the typical 7, at least not without some mitigating positive traits. This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows. Stability in feelings may be elusive for you.

8
With the Life Path of the number 8 you are focused on learning the satisfactions to be found in the material world. The Life Path 8 produces many powerful, confident and materially successful people. You are apt to be very independent, forceful and competitive. Your routine is involved in practical, down-to-earth affairs, and there is relatively little time for dreams and visions. You will want to use your ambitions, your organizational ability, and your efficient approach to carve a satisfying niche for yourself. Most of your concerns involve money and learning of the power that comes with its proper manipulation. This Life Path is perhaps the one that is the most concerned with and desirous of status, as an accompaniment to material success. If you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to completion. In short, you are well-equipped for competition in the business world or in other competitive fields of endeavor. You know how to manage yourself and your environment. You are practical and steady in your pursuit of major objectives, and you have the courage of your convictions when it comes to taking the necessary chances to get ahead.
The negative 8 can be dictatorial and often suppresses the enthusiasm and efforts of fellow member of the environment. Often, the strength of their own personality excludes close feelings for other people with whom they come in contact. Material gains and rewards often become issues of utmost importance, even to the neglect of family, home and peace of mind. Dedication to success can become an obsession. Emotional feelings are often suppressed by the negative 8, resulting in isolation and loneliness. All Life Path 8 people must avoid discounting the opinions of others.

9
The keys to the nature of a Life Path number 9 person are compassion, generosity, and a very humanitarian attitude. This is the lesson that must be learned in this life. Usually this number produces an individual that is very trustworthy and honorable, and one unlikely to harbor any sort of prejudice. Obviously, this is a rather tall order, but you are, in fact, a person that feels very deeply for individuals less fortunate than yourself, and if you are in a position to help, you certainly will. You tend to be quite sensitive, as you see the world with much feeling and compassion. The 9, being the highest of the single digit numbers, holds an elevated position and poses certain responsibilities. The purpose of life for those with a 9 life path is of a philosophical nature. Judges, spiritual leaders, healers and educators frequently have much 9 energy. Material gains are not overly important, although the quality of some life path 9 people is such that they are materially rewarded in very significant ways. Often, the number 9 life path requires a very selfless attitude and the giving up of material possessions for the common good. Even the very average of those with life path 9 possess extremely compassionate tendencies. The desire to help others, especially the troubled or underprivileged, is strong. You are apt to frequently find yourself being used and let down by others, as your generosity is misused and abused.
The number 9's very deep understanding of life is sometimes manifested in the artistic and literary fields. Here you may be able to express your deep emotional feelings through painting, writing, music, or other art forms. Often, however, there if a great deal of difficulty finding a suitable outlet for the 9 Life Path. The 9 is usually well suited to the helping and healing professions; the number is less inclined to the competitive business environment.

You have the ability to make friends very easily, as people are attracted to your magnetic, open personality. You have a special gift of understanding people, which if used correctly can be of great benefit to others. Your interest in people tends to make you quite social. People just naturally like you because you are so sympathetic, tolerant and broad-minded. In many ways, you are a romantic that can get lost in your loves and passions. Relationships can be difficult for you, however, because it is hard to strike a balance that will work effectively. If your partner is one sharing your giving attitudes, the relationship will be happy and lasting. On the other hand, if you choose a partner whose focus is on material issues, problems will arise quickly.

As do all the life path numbers, the 9 has its negative side, and because of the demanding nature of the truly positive 9, many tend to fail in this category. It is not uncommon for persons with the 9 life path to fight the realities and challenges of purpose imposed here because selflessness is not an easy trait. You may have difficulty believing that giving and a lack of personal ambition can be satisfying. It must be realized and accepted that little long-term satisfaction and happiness is to be gained by rejecting the natural humanitarian inclinations of this path.

The number 11 Life Path has the connotation of illumination describing its general focus. This is the number associated with spiritual awareness. As one of the two master numbers, the 11 yields understanding and knowledge beyond the grasp of others. The attitude toward life of those possessing this Life Path is somewhat extreme; extremely intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic, visionary, and cultured. These extremes make you an interesting, if unusual person, with much to offer society. The Life Path 11 person is deep-thinking, and you are no doubt interested in understanding many of life's mysteries and more intriguing facets. Your inventive mind and broad-minded views will permit you to succeed in life in any number of ventures. You can best serve society, however, in those endeavors utilizing your skills of counseling and guidance. Much of your idealism is people oriented and quite humanitarian in nature. You expect a great deal of yourself and of those to whom you are close

Here lies the four fold, in the three set world, the eyes of the five pointed star kissed upon the six hinged door, the duality of two in the circle of one….

And so as it is said…

I am the Maiden.

I rise from the depth of darkness to bring new life to Earth. I am the crocus peeking through the snow, and the courage to strive ever upward toward the Light. I am the bright blush of innocence unfolding within you; laughter bubbling forth like spring thaw. I am the butterfly dancing across the meadow; the finch singing exultation; the freedom of being truly Self.

Yet all goddesses are one Goddess. . .

I am the Lover.

I am the liquid thrill of the pipes that causes the sap to rise within you. I am the pollen, faery dust gilding that sets the woodlands aglow, beckoning you deeper. I am the grain thrusting proud and green from the earth. I am the seed of the first harvest, the power of a love great enough to sacrifice all that Life may continue and the Wheel turn on.

Yet all gods are one God . . .

I am the Father.

I am the golden orb which helps you to illume your inner essence. I am the breeze whispering eternal knowledge, the limitless horizons unfolding to the probing mind, if you have but ears to listen and a moment to be still. I am the hand that reaches toward you, yet trusts enough to let you make your own faltering steps.

Yet all gods are one God . . .

I am the Mother,

pregnant with my own self-expression. In my joy I become full and round until I can contain no more. And as Life must will out, I push forth that which I have held inside, bringing bounty into the world. I am the flowing of lava, creating new land, even as I destroy that which has gone before, I am the flame of passion that causes sparks to leap between our hands and the hearthfire that warms the heart and sustains the spirit.

Yet all goddesses are one Goddess. . .

I am the Matron.

I am the lapwing leading the fox away from the nest. I am the she-wolf defending the den of my sister, that the pups may grow and thrive. I am the pruning knife which trims that which serves us no longer, letting our bindings float away, drifting like leaves on the wind. I am the power of words to separate, threshing wheat from chaff, truth from un-truth.

Yet all goddesses are one Goddess. . .

I am the Warrior.

I am the heat of the brush fire, conquering all within my reach. The raging flame of passion that consumes, giving you the courage to achieve that which you most desire. I am the spark of need, which drives us towards the stars, jumping the fire-brakes to enforce my will upon the world. And though I may leave seeming barrenness in my path, some seeds require heat to sprout to fullness.

Yet all gods are one God . . .

I am the Hunter.

I am the arrow that seeks true to the heart. I am the stag running from the chase, drawing the bowsman to the tangled reaches of the forest. I am the door of the dolmen, beckoning forward. I am the mystic, measuring fear against understanding, and finding the price worth the dare. I am the stumbling shadowing fear, yet I journey forward, trusting that a thread of silver shall guide me through. I am the crux of darkness which leads into light. I am the shed of snakeskin, giving away to death, that life be renewed.

Yet all gods are one God . . .

I am the Crone.

I settle the hoar-frost of my cloak upon the Earth, that all may find quiet and rest. I am the still of the scrying pool in which you may reflect and gain understanding. I am the ice which preserves, yet locks into form. I am the bone chilling waters that threaten to drag you under whence you chance upon thin ice. In my depths, tomb becomes womb, ending becomes beginning and all is transformed.

Yet all goddesses are one Goddess. . . .

Today I started preparing for the upcoming day of crossing, I awoke at dawn and in silence I moved my alter to the west of the room, to behold the gate of the passage, I took off all the items and draped the alter in the finest black silk I could find, the four quarters of the circle that is my alter was crowned with 4 large onyx’s, at the centre stands my crystal ball, encircled by candles of black, orange and silver…

To the west I lay my Athema, it points to the west, a warning for all those that should not arise…

To the east I lay my Wand, it points to the north, a beckoning and a beacon for those to come…

I add a hand woven ceramics jar filled with the earthen essences and almost over flowing with the light golden grains of sand…

I add my bell, silver and polished, anointed in hyssop, both a calling and a farewell…

I add my large Ankh, the one in graved with the name of Thoth, for it reminds me of the knowledge that all may come to pass…

I add my incense burner; the consecrated herbs lay in wait of the awakening flame of fire…

I add finally acorns, dried leaves, nuts and three pebbles taken from the steam, river and ocean of this isle…

My alter far barren then it has being in the year, but all for the cause...

This year I’ve decided to work with the nocturnal energies of Hades, not only to awaken my own awareness of my darker self so that I can look upon it as it is, and then truly set the path to banish my inner demon, it also reminds me also of our need to seek and give forgiveness, for the denial of the light leads us only to suffering, and it lies within us to reclaim the power of who we are meant to be…
Below is the Preliminary Invocation of Hades, after of course that of my Guide and Angel as well as those of the protective light, I’m trying to construct and maintain a direct link while learning off the invocation, its already rising within me things I have “buried” and damned, so that it can be released, I’m quiet startled by the amount of energy its unleashed but I know that in order to truly tend the passage this is a test I must partake in…

Invocation of Hades

A gloomy dark, the shadows stand
Hades, within thy realm their whisper becomes a scream
so near the source, the mouth of darkness
its voice rebounds, echoes loudly
and thou, its lord, plunged into dark
chosen to fall
farther than sky
farther than wave
thy dwelling made, the mortar of bones
a horrid wail rises up
shakes the darkened stones

Hades I call you!
Hades I summon you!
Hades I invoke you!

From the depths of the pit
where tartarus lies, the wails of thy forefathers
to match the deed’s
and dead they be, for death is around them
and thou, a dread lord, thunder through the wraith filled halls
thy coal black steeds, and iron shod wheels
let thy chariot bear you
raise you to earth, I summon thee,
I call thee, stand before me, beside me
oh dark cloaked god
so hooded and grim
Hades, thee I invoke

(Then sets the rite of passage, to open the western gate and usher in the force)

Can you hear me whisper?
Dare you call me?
Filled with the cold, of a million graves
chill those who touch me, who would touch the night
see how my might is shown in the world
I've defeated life, in every battle
the earth become my dwelling
my mark lies in time
when the cold wind blows
my rule made complete
hear my voice, how your flesh doth quiver
and the bones within you quake
the marrow bubbles, thy fear reduced you
your voice is mine, you speak it always
with every tick of the clock,
with every fall of the sand
your mortal shell, dies yet more
you shall never hear my voice,
so loudly again, until it withers away

Assumption of God Form

My voice is heard,
as loudly as the waves, crashing upon the shore
or the echo of the voices, the tormented wails,
I reign over, I ever put down
behold I am Hades!
As you sink to death, I gather you in,
embrace you, hold you, never to leave,
a jealous lover, will not soon relinquish,
the loves that I have gathered
Behold I am master of men,
rebellious serfs, I reclaim them all,
the taste of death upon their lips,
a bitter reminder of their lord,
hear my voice, a dread tone taken it,
reflected in your own

Final Invocation

Hades you have come unto me,
from mist filled realms,
where you lay in dark,
a blot to light, I feel your chill,
hail to thee! Dark-born god,
in thy rising death comes closer to earth,
and the river Styx, rises and floods, bubbles onto land,
borne by its wave, risen to earth,
stand beside me, in the blackest waters,
knee high they are stained,
as black as the blood, that adorns your robe,
a grisly garment,
folded about my shoulders…

Then the rite should hopefully be in motion, but until then I shall set about in acquiring the final items to build the bridge, maintain the flow, and guide safely…

Love and light

Oein

(i cant even come close to explaining the resent events that have come to pass, and below stands but a mere whisper to the story I have to tell, but for now, this will stand my tale and my awe)



“Asher, alorna asher!
Vien merodus sie aoil,
Sie asher merodus,merodus, merodus….
Sie asher merodus!”

The virgin parchment dotted with sigils and the forbidden words slowly enveloped in the crimson flames of the camp fire, the moist hue rose gently to my nose as I enchanted the supplication, the stars sat upon the sky on there thrones of light, there array tossed about the horizon like jewels glistering and dancing, alive with silent words beckoning me on…

The herbs fell from my open hand, softly to the pinewood that now sparked and hissed before me…

I glair into the flames, the shadows of the woods twitch and quiver about me, the trees hushed now, the birds arrest and silent…

This ended my rite, for four hours I had stood there, reached the elders, called upon the guardian of souls, the keepers of the passage, let my breath flow from what is to what has passed, felt the presence of the lost…
Touched the world beyond reach.
Given my voice to those who could no longer be heard.

And yet… they spoke not…

Silent and mute had remained the flames, the wind shunned me, the earth quaked beneath my feet, even the crystals that outlined my circle seemed dim now, tired and cold, holding not the life they had once being so filled with…

And yet the stars still twinkled, their dance still enchanting, still waiting, still listening, still urging me forward…

I slumped to the ground, exhausted, thirsty, hungry, each word that sprung from my mouth creped across the forest floor…

My eyes closed slowly, and still I chanted out the call, the sweet breathe of sleep soon took me, and I was lost in the timeless abyss of the night…

I awoke with my hair entwined with the ivy I had lead down to make swift the path, the sun was just breaking through the horizon, the tapestry of gold and ivory bringing the forest to life, the earth much softer now, the air fresh and awake, I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes….

The charred remains of the fire sat before me, grey and with just a few streams of smoke that rose slightly from the barren logs before the wind caught them ad scattered them from away from my camp site…

I’d slept the night, open and alone in nature, I could feel that my circle no longer stood upon the hollow ground, that the watchtowers had left my guard…

Slowly I pored the river water upon the fire, I thought by now that it would of being a content experience, that they would of heard me, that they would of listened, that they would of answered my call, I brushed the light dried twigs that clung to my pants and felt a slight twinge of disgust…

Why would they, no longer was I pure, the last time I had echoed beyond the place of the watchers I had done so under the guidance of Mia and Kasha, but since then time had passed, and along with the sands so did my virginity and my transition to manhood…

No.

Life is about change, progression, experience, growth, development, love and enrichment…

I told myself it wasn’t my place to judge why they spoke not; for there is more in motion then I can ever know…

Gently and with a heavy heard I packed my bags and cleared the area, when I was finished I turned to walk away and glanced back, seeing that only the small circle of stones that out laid the nights fire was witness to my journey…

Soon enough I was home, making my way to my room and still rambling mentally about the night, taking refuge in the thought that I had tried…

I sat on my bed and pushed my bad aside, promising myself that once I had had breakfast I would unpack and set my tools in there place…

My head turned to my closet and gently, fluidly and almost effortlessly I opened the door and from the top shelf dragged down a suitcase, it hit the floor with a thud and its silver zip caught my eye…

Within 40 minutes, id packed, had a shower, told my family that I was off to visit a friend and was ready to go!

I made my way to the bus station, walked the steps to the counter and smiled at the woman behind the desk, she smiled and asked where I was going, stunned for a moment by not knowing my eye flickered to the Ireland map that was behind her and I just said cork…

Four hours later I stood at cork bus station, another bus caught my eye, the bus itself identical to all others on the bus eireann line, dusty and with a driver that seemed anything but friendly but I knew it was for me, pushing aside any thoughts of madness…

Sooner then I had thought I was standing in Wicklow, the day was getting darker now, so I huddled off to a hostel and sat in my room still enchanting the prayer…

The night passed in a flash and I made my way to a coffee shop for my daily inflow of caffeine…
As I sat at the table, smelt the deep aroma of the latte and mentally wondered about the place wondering why I was there, what unseen forces had guided me, and what they had to tell me…

“Oh iv heard its ancient, way back in the days of the Celts”

My ears alert to the voice, I turn and see a family of people craned around a small table in the corner of the café…

They trailed on about it; I quickly learned that they spoke of Meath, the high hills of Tara, the age-old cradle of the Dhana…

“I’ve being there, its quiet peaceful”

Before I knew it the words were spoken and the family knowing that I had over heard their conversation pushed aside a chair and we quickly fell into a discussion of myth, lore and tales of gone by days…

They told me that they were heading off to Meath in half an hour, and again I knew that was where I was supposed to follow…

Standing on the green hills of Tara and feeling the air rush through my out reached and open hands I swayed in the rhythm of the place, the rush and fall of the energies…

The sky was filled with the flutter of wings, and the heavenly cry of rooks, among the clatter I heard one single word….

“Alone”

I twisted and turned on the grass, my feet spinning as I twirled and searched the sky for a sign… they heard me….

“Alone”

Again the cry echoed out…

I stand still, my body tenses, like stone, heavy and grounded…

I again reach to the sky, trace the Sigil of Amaha with my finger across the air, my eyes open wider….

They listen…. They’ve come….

“I am alone, I walk in the shadows, I walk in the blindness, Hear me protectors of the darkened night of the soul, you who rule all that stand within the hands of the eternal, with your knowledge I walk in safety. With your grace may I speak of your benevolence, I implore you…”

Again it echo’s forth…
“Alone”

“I am, I stand here as I”

“Alone…”

“I am, I stand alone, and I am… I am Oein, child of Kelona, Son of Egan, line of the shafan…”

“ALONE”

I still twirl, my voice now at a scream, what do they speak off…

Suddenly stillness fills the air, and I hear it again, this time clearer… this time its I who has to listen…

“Athlone”

It dawns on me…

I stop twilling and slump down to the ground; my nails dig deep into the moist earth…

I knew they would speak no more…

To travel again, where are they leading me, why do I cross the country from one place to another, have I fallen victim to the malevolence of some spirit…

Or is it that to cross the barrier that lies in my way that I have to give myself over, to be bathed in the trust of the light and that it will guide me through the rough waters…

Arriving in Athlone I’m cold, hungry, tired and craving sleep, and soon I was huddled up in bed of a friend that lived there, she was expecting me, but not this soon, when she saw me from across the street she rushed over and without a word hugged and lead me down a lane and across a bridge to her apartment, we uttered words to each other about it being so long since we had last meet and tried in a mild way to catch up with each other, she knew I had come searching, the spare room was ready for my rest and she huddled me in with promises to wake me in the morn and not to worry, for now I would rest….

My dreams, my dreams were filled with iron and clashes of steal, dark feathers falling, the name Guen….

I awake to the smiling face of Shale, carrying a bowl of porridge and a tall glass of freshly squeezes orange…

She sat at the foot of my bed, barely making an imprint on the covers that with my tossing and turning of the night had rippled and creased around my feet, cocooning me in the bedclothes like a large satin case…

She gentle asked how I was feeling and that she knew to expect me, we talked about why I was searching, and what I may find, she softly brushed her hand against my cheek and said not to give up, that sometimes we must battle forward in order to show we are worthy in reaching the secrets that lay hidden all about us…

She asked where I was to next, as Athlone wasn’t the place of refugee that I had being seeking, I had yet found the key to the lock…

I told her I didn’t know, and that I didn’t even know when I would find out, she smiled and told me that the room was mine for as long as I needed…

A few hours later we were walking past a shop in town, chatting of what had changed since we last spoke, that her girlfriend had since moved on with her life, that her cat had a new kitten and that joy her sister was about to get married…

As I walked I trailed my fingers against the wall, feeling the rough surface of the wall, as I passed a large window my fingers twitched warm, not warmth from friction but warmth within, she stopped and said…

“Do you feel that too?”

I looked to where my finger rested, it was an advertisement regarding a beautician course, I disregarded the advertisement but my eye like it had done so many times in the last few days fell to a word…

A place….

A location…

And for now the end…

Ennis.

We giggled that the answer to where I was to next had found me, and she offered to drive me there, but she wouldn’t accompany me any more on my journey, as it was a solitary journey, one that needs time to reach in and find the strength and power to listen and answer…

In reaching Ennis, I gave my thanks and good byes and felt oddly renewed when the car pulled away and beeped its farewell…

I wandered the town for hours, up and down the labyrinths of streets, never ending circles and an ever increasingly a sense that I was lost and may not of heard there message, jumped the gun…

Eventually I made my way to the hills; if the concrete and walls of the city wouldn’t listen to me perhaps the children of the nature would, laying with my back against a megalithic standing stone the falling droplets of rain kissed my face…

I better get going I thought, and started to make a wobbly and mud footprint-leaving dash down the hill…

When I reached the end I noticed a single cottage standing alone, with tall trees around it, and ivy crawling its way to the rooftop, a small round figure waved at me wildly through the rain and wind…

I made my way over to the woman that stood at the door; quickly I was ushered in with the words of “catching my death in the rain” and was served up with crumpets and tea in fine bone china cups…

The house clustered and filled with memorabilia through the years, the pain yellow and cracked on the sitting room wall if anything just lead its self to the homely feeling of the house…

She asked was I a tourist, and why in havens name was I out in that weather without an umbrella, I openly told her I was searching for something, that like so many other people in this world I wanted to listen to the hushed voices that give us aid, alarmingly she quickly got up and pottered off to the kitchen, urging me to go on…

About ten minutes later she carried in a cylinder object, dark maroon in colour, and handed it to me with the words of that I may find it interesting…

I lifted the lip and within rapped in purple and white cloth was a crystal ball…

I’d found it...

Id found the key.

The colour of God…

Yesterday evening sitting in the living curled up beside the warm glow of the fire, the golden ambers still alive with heat from a fire filled four hours before hand, I blew gently on the fine timber as it sat on the grate of silvery ashes, my breath gave it a flicker…

I sat up and looked across the room to my Tarot Deck, it laid on the round table beside the window, I had left them there early that morning so that it could catch the first rays of sunshine…

I could remember when I first received them; they were draped in dark purple silk and held within the grasp of my grandmother hands

“Here my cuvhawn, here is a deck of windows, I can teach you some time to look through them”

Within my minds ear I could still hear her gentle word, although spoken in broken English still held its soft tone.

I smirked at recalling they way she called me her cuvhawn, her Raven which is her favourite creature (gosh I miss her, I hope she visits soon).

One of the first things she taught me was that the cards weren’t card’s, there were leaves on the tree of life, a great ladder that reached beyond our thoughts and dreams from here to the beginning and back again.

I thought of the word YHVH another word she thought me, the unpronounceable word of God as know in Hebrew Scriptures, then a thought came to me, like the 22 cards in the deck each card is liked to a Hebrew letter, so technically the cards can spell out the Name of God.

I dragged myself off the floor and took the cards from the table, I shuffled through them….

The Hermit… YOD
The Emperor… HEH
The Hierophant… VAV
And back to the Hermit again… YOD

The first thing I noticed is that each of the cards are mescaline in energy…

I wondered if I could spell the name with the cards…

I placed the Hermit down first, then beside it on its side I placed the emperor and on top of that card standing upright I placed the Hierophant

(I placed the Emperor on its side because the cards longer then standing upright and I wanted its energy to be felt on both sides of the Hierophant).

There I did it…

In the cards before me lay one of the names of God!!

What else could their windows open me up to!?

I made my way up the stairs to where my books are…

On the shelf in my room, I searched to where I found a three books based on the Golden Dawns associations of each card and flicked through there pages finding pieces of the puzzle…

In the end I came to this finding of the cards correspondences:

YOD
Syllables: YUD
Translation: Hand
Numerical: 10
Colour: Yellowish green
Sound: F
Tarot card: The hermit
Astrological: Virgo

HEH
Syllables: HH
Translation: Window
Numerical: 5
Colour: Scarlet
Sound: C
Tarot card: The Emperor
Astrological: Venus

VAU
Syllables: VV
Translation: Nail
Numerical: 6
Colour: Red-orange
Sound: C
Tarot card: The Hierophant
Astrological: Taurus

YOD
Syllables: YUD
Translation: Hand
Numerical: 10
Colour: Yellowish green
Sound: F
Tarot card: The hermit
Astrological: Virgo

In taking these associations it began to surface that they could show me a deeper insight into the name and perhaps the essence it tried to hold…

Tarot Cards Represented:
The Hermit
The Emperor
The Hierophant
The hermit

Each card is associated with a colour, number, syllable, translation, and astrological symbol…

Colour of the God name:
Double Yellow-green, red-orange, and scarlet, which gives an Earthy Brown

Numerical value of the God name:
10+10+5+6= 31 - 3+1=4

Which is the Empress card that for me iv always assosiated more stronly with teh divine.

Syllables of the God name:
FCCF

Translation:
Hand-window-nail-hand

The astrological signs:
Virgo, Venus, Taurus, Virgo

I find this quiet revealing and even visually the cards hold associations in their graphic portrayal on each card.


And just thought of the tree of life...

Thiose three cards create a triangle that links the planes of wisdom, mercy and justice...


oooouuuhhh got Tingles!!!

A flicker of my eye lids and I was awake, another restless night among the ever decreasing walls of my room, against the side of my face as it dug into the pillow I could feel a moist coldness creep down my chin, I sat up startled almost afraid to touch my jaw, my hand moved slowly upwards, my finger tips touched gently…

I knew what it was…

Blood

My right nostril still lined with the flow that came that night stood as a pathway of my life essence as I stared into the mirror before I washed it off.

There I stood, my eyes red, my hair a ruffle, my skin pale and dusk, within my chest I felt my heart beat slow, the air eased in and out of my lungs…

I looked at the cabinet that rests just below the windowpane, 4 bottles of medication stood in a row reminding me where I stand…

My hand jots out knocking them, they topple over, the white and yellow pills within scatter around the cold tile floor…

Not now, and not today, if the sands of time flow from me then that’s just the hand of fate, but not today, today I live.

My mind is flooded with reminders of what lies before me, I guess in a way I’d lie to say I’m not afraid, not of the passing for that comes to us all but the what it’s and whys of the way life is…

Like right now I’m writing this from the safety of my room; here I sit on my bed with my legs crossed and the laptop resting snugly on top.

Right now if I could pick a words on how I feel I’d have to say frustrated and stressed, last time I felt like this I wrote it out and felt better, so for anyone reading this don’t worry it may sound worse then it is and I’m just taking the opportunity to vent and its also just one side of the story so my perception of what’s happening is naturally bias.

I’m starting to realise that lately my mind is being over shadowed with thoughts of departure, which I guess in a way is totally natural, lot of my emotional chaos stems from the relationship with my mother, as soon as I return home no matter my day, no matter my mood my defences immediately raise.

My parents have so many dreams for me, a lot of them we know wont come to pass, in a way I think its easier to look upon subjects of sexuality as a reason and not that of health, after all which one is more frightening for a parent.

Conversations rarely pass three words which in all honesty both of us cling to, having to sit in silence is sometimes more of a relief is more then a struggle as when the conversations do drift they usually end up on my education which the fell is a waste and that a “hard working paying job” which would just conceal whets happening on the inside this leaves me feeling like a free loafer and a leach or the subject of my sexuality that they hold in fear for.

I’m told they don’t know me, do they ask…

And hey cant blame them, they shouldn’t have to ask…

When I do tell them things about myself they freak so why put them through that daily…

My parents know of my spiritual path, my influences that root in it grow from the spiritual viewed household that I grew up in, though my advice is pushed aside and experiences ignored… until something happens.

They ring me about where would be best to travel to, would this colour work, what do dreams mean, will the situations at there work change anytime soon etc. yet if something happens and I want to discuss it, ignore him he’s a bit mad.

On Saturday night as he returned from a late night visiting friends (his I the Navy so gets to see then rarely) and was granted a visitation of a lady draper in white (this I’m not surprised at as that which was in order has fallen into disarray but that’s a different story) along the side of the road bidding him things he still wont speak off…

So what happens…

He comes home and is extremely worked up they totally watch his words and wake me from my bed to see what’s going on…

I mean people this is unfair!!!!

Let me endure ridicule and then listen to me when things actually start to happen!

In a way I’m angry that I get no support what so ever from my family, no attention is paid to either my health, study or need for a minute or two when I get home from collage just to relax, having to repeat weekly what course I’m doing, where iv being, exactly what iv being up to, that I have in all honesty no real direction where it is too after this so it isn’t anything something that I rush home to experience.

If the end of may comes to me, and I still walk this place iv decided to leave, deep down I know my family love me, and I do love them in return its just this fuzzy bit in between that I cant handle, life’s to short and to precious to waste it on things that only cause pain so if I’m granted those days I’m leaving after all there’s nothing really holding me back…

Collage itself is also a stumbling block in two weeks I’ve a mock exam on in two weeks on Aromatherapy, Swedish message as well as Physiology, the entire class as well as I are nowhere ready for this!

The real exams are at the beginning of May and it seems I’m in for a fail, which not only means iv wasted the months since September ill confirm the time waster I’m told I am.

There are those within the classroom that are steeped deep within the drug scene and I find a battle to stay away from them.

All this pales in parallel to a friend’s resent escape from an attack; I thank his God and praise the Goddess for keeping safe such a gentle heart and granting him not only the eyes to see the danger, but the feet to take him swiftly from it, he stands strongly in my prayers and on the whispers of the wind to the ears of the angels…

This also leads me onto another thing that is annoying me, Labels.

We use labels to define things, objects and items, we also use them to put people into categories, rob them of their special place upon the world, labels are here for lists, people aren’t like that, they shouldn’t be listed they should strived to be understood.

Labels although at times are socially needed and can give structure they can also take that chance to grow and learn away from us.

Love is the gift of the divine, the spark that brought us into being, our fuel and greatest offering, transcending barriers of time, space, life and gender, where there is life there is love, how cruel can the world be to say that a love that beats within too hearts to be wrong…

Do such statement grow from misconceptions or out of fear…

Take the chance to stop and watch a couple walk side by side, there souls themselves crave this union like all our hearts crave the love’s first kiss, look closer and we see the other parts of them…

Which is more important…

There names…
There gender…
There nationality…

Or there love…

You decide…

When love rises from the shadows of our lives, how ever faint, how ever doubtful, how ever slight…

Follow it.

What you may see as a pale spark may in fact be a great fire that burns within entwined destiny’s…

What may come if this never comes to pass…

You return to walk another path with the knowledge that you tried and not the regret of what could of being…

And if it is to be, then the bliss of life is yours.

Don’t let fear stop you, the can be’s are better then the could of beings and not only will you over come the regret you also follow where your heart leads…

Iv a lot to come to terms with in this life before my time is due,
My mind it still readjusting to the reduction of medication because its not making a difference, my waist line has felt its presence, a drop from 44 to a size 36, not the 28 I used to be but almost there, the complications of my family, the burden of my sight, the annoyance of knowable, and at up most my search for love.

Love conquers all…
Let love conquer you…



Ok, gosh I feel better! Hehehehe

Two days ago amoung the chaos of the day this came to be, i know theres lessons that I havr to learn and thiongs i have to learn to grown to know, the woods of this life seem dark and deep, darkness often pervades...
and so she hears me....
and brings the light...


I sat before my alter and watched as the sandalwood incense smoke rose and twirled gently in the air…

The crimson candles alight twitches and burned eagerly…

I could feel it….

Beating like a second heart…

An ichy chill crept through my veins and I was submerged in the living shadow of what is to come…

Its force rose and ebbed within me…

I could feel my back arch and my head shoot quickly up towards the ceiling…

I could feel it happening but yet felt removed…

My breath intensified, it was like I was fighting not for air but for the air let me breath…

Then I heard it….

It was like the rustling of leaves on a moist autumn eve, and held within its silent tone the beauty of the first sun rise…

“Andean….”

My eyes opened and it had ended as quickly as it had begun, I sat silently within the walls of my room, unsure if to move or to remain…

Andean… my mind drifted to a reading I recently partook in, could it be And Dean?

No, those ties were allowed to lie fallow as seeking of forbidden knowledge lies beyond my modest reach….

I got up and started to search through my books on the shelf, searching the index’s for a hint to where I was to follow…

No, none.

Wait, it was cold, icy… maybe it wasn’t a person or a thing but a place… the Andes.

I can recall some of the prophesies of the Andeans…

According to the Andean’s prophesies between the years 1990 and 1993 the world underwent a “Pachakuti” an even that is considered a cosmic transmutation through which the preparation is made of the coming era of cosmic recording.

The prophets of the Andes, the holy men and women who were seers of there people say that the current time period 1993-2012 is a “critical period” in the evolution of human consciousness.

We have entered the time called “Taripay Pacha” the “age of meeting ourselves again” until very recently these prophesies weren’t discussed openly but the Andean people say that its time to put away the fear and come together for the common good.

The Andeans believe that the new era will be ushered in when a new leader emerges with perfect healing powers this will indicate the unified field of consciousness that has created the conditions whereby individuals will be working much less on individual karma and more on the collective karma of the planet.

The prophesies also predict that people will be making a transition on a psycho spiritual plane which was called the third level to the fourth level.

The third is one of awareness of the widespread fear, conflict and a sense of separation.

The fourth level is one in which we learn to come together and align ourselves with the natural world while still connecting with the higher spiritual planes.

Life is the manifestation of the divine will, why look up when all we have to do is look around and see the face of the illuminated within the physical, we can not move beyond this place before we first except it…

The prophecies are clear that the shift will not come to pass unless we over come the fear and shadows that we all host within ourselves and lay our souls bear to the divine light…

There…

That was it…

That’s why they showed me it, that this crosses all boundaries, all faiths, all people, everything…

That which has being set in motion can never be undone…

These days were foreseen era’s ago, there power and warning have being heard and foolishly cast aside…

“Blessed are those who live not in these days”

For the will not have to endure that what is to come…

Theres more here that i cant remember, my memory keeps slipping away which although is frustrating im sure has something in itself to tell me...

I hope I get the chance to listen

Im in a cyber cafe as the home pc wont log on to the net, i wrote a few thigs down that i wanted to add to my journal and well the floppy disk drive around here has gone awol so ill take it as a sign not to right now...

This was added as a reply to one of my posts, i think it desirves a post of its own...

Thank you Dean

*flowers*




"He who knoweth His location on the Wordly Sphere and understands on the deepest level of His Being the truest nature of God, He is Undefinable by the dilution of pure Gnosis by thought, idol, word or speech. This is so of the ineffable Source, the Light, the One and Numerous of Hosts, the Most Holy, God. The Knowing is godly and thus it is folly to attempt definition by way of manly device. He is undetermined by the Virtue of Malkuth. Balance weighs this out with the ungodly Ignorant, for they hearken not to the Light, but can be simply and truely classified. Thou can, howbeit, identify the Seeker by such manly devices so as to better comprehend the nature of His Being, but Thou shalt find no true form, nor a complete representation of Him or His Gnosis. Such as it is in mirror with God, the Seeker shalt not abide the weak mind who faileth to see in truest form that Thou cannot see in truest form."

We all have a Purpose, a Reason to be here. Never doubt this, nor your role to play in the here and hereafter...

With much Love and Light,

Frater Yechidah



*warem tingles of light*

I came in the door and crossed the hallway and with my collage bag still on my back, I started to unzip my coat in an attempt to easy both of them off without that much effort, my mother sat in front of the fire looking towards the television, silent as I often find her and my younger brother sitting up watching as Will Smith does his thing across the screen to his new song…

“Oh its cold out today isn’t it”

Verbal silence still fills the air with unease….

I started to walk towards the hallway again to place my coat on the hook and my bag beneath the hallway, when I heard…

“Did you get the job?”

“No, he rang around 3 and said I didn’t get it, no worries though as I’m sure there’ll be one out there for me!”

I gently sign and walk…

“Stop that!”

“What?”

“Stop making noises like that! There very annoying!!”

“No one else seems to complain about them”

I know it was rude but I start to walk towards the kitchen, my mind floats back to last Saturday when in describing a quote I used those bunny ears symbols with my fingers and nearly got my head eaten off, I'm just back from collage and my mind isn’t up for another clash…

By the time I get to the sink, the door closes sharply behind me…

“You can live your life the way you want to live it but for the sake of the children stop those mannerisms!”

“What?”

“You swear you want people to know about you! I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation!!!”

I don’t think I replied to that one, I remember thinking how cold and thought out “seriousness of the situation” sounded, so unlike the mother who’s voice I’ve heard all my life…

“You act like something out of the Television, do you know how hard it would be for those children and us if people found out!!?”

“I don’t go around telling people”

“You have no idea what it can be like! You live in your dream world!!”

I didn’t reply, I just stand there like an idiot looking at her while my hands are pouring out a cup of tea…

“I don’t know who you’re hanging out with in Galway but you better stop doing this”

“I’m sorry…”

“You’re always saying sorry, stop being like that and act like a MAN, like a MAN, you’re a MAN you’re a MAN!!”

I open the door and start to walk towards the living room…

“Don’t go up those fu*king stairs!!!”

My mind quickly switches and I start to talk to John about his day, not out of any crucial interest as its always “was ok” but just to change the subject and knowing she wouldn’t come in and argue in front of him, after all he doesn’t know about me…

Right now I’m sitting her writing this and I feel a lot of things, some of it’s the urge to hit my head against the wall, others is just to sit here and cry a bit…
Iv tried that and the tears wont flow…

You know I think she’s right I’m very selfish, if the larger community found out thing’s could be so hard for them, its not fair they carry that pain especially if I cause it.

A lot of things are still in my mind and I know they wont make sense but I’m just going to type it out and get it out of my.

Why don’t I cry?

Why do I feel I have too?

Why has my mother not once said she loves me since I told her, not even once and I don’t think she realises it

Why did I move back home when all it does is cause more problems for those I’m around

Why right now as I sit here hate being me, I mean really hate me.

Why do I keep thinking I AM a man, and I’m also me?

Why doesn’t she just love me?

Why is it that I feel I need to fight for her love and not my fathers?

Why does this matter at all?

Id move tomorrow is I had enough cash.

Why can’t I find a job so that I can get out of here?

Why do I think if I moved I wouldn’t keep in contact with her?

Why am I tempted to tell them that my sister, who’s lets face it is the favourite is pregnant… and over two months still cant tell them…

Why do I just want to pack my bags and run away into the night?

I’ve read there are different stages that people go through when they find themselves in situations like this, especially parents…

There’s shock, which I know we’ve touched upon especially with the silence and ignoring of the subject…

Then there’s denial… which was, and I think in a way is still evident…. I think this is too shield…

Then there’s guilt, which I think is what’s happening as well as boarding the next line, she, guilty about hurt and me that ill hurt them…

Next is expressing of feelings which is also what’s happening, for the first time we’ve had an argument that’s about it and not about it while disguised as something else…

Next are decisions and acceptance, ones in which some people never touch upon

I’m angry and I’m hurt, I also want to run away from this, which is probably why life is making me stay so I can take it on…

Why do I keep thinking this is karma from my past back to bite me?

Why have I decided just to stay quiet, as I can’t say anything useful its better not talking…

Ok, I’m going to stop here but if anyone has any answers id really like to hear them…

Thank you

Ps. I’m lost right now and I don’t know if I can ever find myself again…


ugh and im still going around feeling all angery... darn that

In trying to deepen my understanding of the tarots association with the tree of life I decided to lay the cards out upon the floor in the order that they are described so that I could get a more dimensional look at there interaction (I now know where the hesitation of the golden dawn regarding the strength and justice card being in numerical forms of 8 and 11 as both could formulate a strong path)

Ended up with a nosebleed half way through the tree, which I'm pretty sure wasn’t supposed to happen after an hour of fretting I took it as a manifestation of the enormous amount of energy that flows from such a sacred concept and apart from not being fully grounded for such a experiment iv yet to reach that level of development to safely channel it through so I wont be doing that again anytime soon.

I finally got around to blessing my new Athema and after staggering my way through the woodland I too up sanctuary under the arms of an oak tree…

“Te Gladi, Vos Gladias, trea Nomine Santo, Albrot, Jehova elico,
Estote menum castellumque praesidium contra omnium hostes, conspicuusque
nonconspicuus, in quisque magiceum opum. Nomino Santo Satay, qui est in
imperium magnum, et his alio nomine: Cados, Cados, Cados, Adonai, Elohi,
Zena, Oth, Ochimanuel, primoque ultimo, sapientia, via, vita, virto, primoque
ultimo, Sapientia, Via, Vita, Virto, Principio, Oso, Oratie, Splendoro, Luce,Sol,
Fono, Gloria, Mono, Porta, Vite, Lape, Scpio, Secredo, Pravo, Missiah, Gladi,
in Opinium, meum, negotia, regnas et in illos res quem me resistant!.

A few weeks ago by chance or a twist of the hands of fate I meet with an old friend who I attended secondary school with, we decided to get a coffee together and catch up with the news.

Thankfully he understand my own spiritual view and thankfully recognized that everyone’s path no matter how much we believe to be evolved or not is there own choice and as long as its life affirming we should have no quarrel with it.

His from a strong Jewish background and as we pottered around how we each felt about the importance of remembering our backgrounds and embracing the new so to grow he has offered to teach me the basics of Hebrew if in return I helped him learn Romanian, which his girlfriend speaks freely.

(Which I think is really romantic)

In the past I had considered learning this dialect if I was to understand the energies in play through most of the rites I now encounter, though the thought was quickly excused and it left my mind but now with such a sync. of events I have reconsidered and think that this could lead to more interesting discoveries…

So far I’m still at the fundamentals of drawing the alphabetical letters and there correct pronunciation, a task slightly harder then I first anticipated but learning is fun!

Missing the money from the line, and while typing about money, this month will be tough going, as I’ve E150 in collage fee’s to pay, E100 in travel bills, two people’s birthday celebrations (and presents) to attend, food bills as well as electricity etc…

I don’t have the cash to afford it, so before I start the panic I’m going to set some rite in motion in order to help with what’s happening.



Friday as I was walking to collage I was taking Abbagate street and decided to retrace my steps and take Quay street instead, from across the road I recognised a familiar face…

Brendan.

Brendan was my first crush, we were best friends through the five years of secondary school and it wasn’t until that day in Sept 2002 when I was introduced to his boyfriend Kenneth that I realised how I felt about him…

You know that thick dull pain in the dept of your tummy; I felt that every time after that when I thought of him, of course Brendan knew how I felt about him and sadly used it only for his own gain, borrowing money that never repaid, crashing on my couch when he had no where to go, even the night of last Galway Pride he talked me into paying his entrance fee into the disco…

Though when I bumped into him, it just wasn’t there any more, no tinge of the lost past, no wonderings, nothing…

We spoke briefly of his resent move to Sligo and that he was still unemployed, and was just passing through town, I made an excuse of having to get on my way to a lecture and left him with the gesture of meeting up again some time for a chat and a coffee and as I walked away I knew that was it…

I suppose like I've said before some times we attract people who are not good for us; in the depths of our psyche and psychological makeup we draw chaotic or destructive individuals to us to whom we can have an emotional response.

And although sometimes-past karma is repaid through emotional attachments it is not repaid by emotional martyrdom.

This time my repayment was made, by accepting the unpleasant fact that, this time around the emotional bonds from the past must lie fallow…

I shouldn’t try to change another person against there will.
All true and enduring change must come from within…


In recent times my energies have being quiet erratic I am unaware if its to do with my own workings, personal issues, surfacing of the past or a combination of all of these but one thing is for sure its being one hell of a roller coaster ride!

After thinking about this a lot it seems my grounding has become disconnected from the energies of the earth to the transition of the higher planes which has left me quiet up in the air and I’m often left in a daze, so I think I should at least focus on maintaining a deep current to the physical for the mean while until I stand on more solid ground.

Right now I’m feeling intensly non psychic, as if it the echos that I stumble onto have gone to slumber, I think I’m going to avoid reading unless I have to for a while as to be honest feeling a bit like a fraud with the missing of the glimpses…

Perhaps life is just giving me a chance to rebuild and direct my physical life and not be distracted by the psychic…
Though joyfully the spiritual light still burns!

Worked on the Romany intonement for the removal of negative energies, as far as I can remember the water of the first dawn rain is scattered on the body and the following atonements were uttered while facing the light of the sun…
"Miseç yákhá tut dikhen
Sár páñori--
Mudaren!
Náshvalipen prejia:
Andral t'ro shero
Andral t're kolyin,
Andral t're per
Andral t're punrá
Andral t're vástá
Kathe prejánen,--
Andre yákhá yon jánen!"
"False eyes see thee,
Like this water
May they perish
Sickness depart
From thy head,
From thy breast,
From thy belly,
From thy feet
From thy hands,
May they go hence
Into the evil eyes!"

mmmmh… perhaps a tad to instable…
Ok, better hit the road!!!!!

*warm fuzzies*

Last night while getting a little frustrated with trying to work out the correct pronouncements in the Middle Pillar of the Minutum Mundum ritual (and as my Latin’s a bit saggy these days but Minutum Mundum seems to mean Little/small universe, which make sense when the ritual channels in the energy of the mentally projected and manifested tree of life) and although I haven’t done the ritual physically as I haven’t studied it to a certain level discovering its associations is quiet interesting.

I started to ponder the reason behind such a strong feeling to find the exact pronouncement.

As usual the answer didn’t come until I had focused enough to actually listen, I glimpsed a clear image of a spiders web shaking in the silent movement of the wind…

My first though was “your not serious are you!” and I looked up to the ceiling in protest…

Turned out they were…

After a while its reason dawned on me, we go about our lives feeling separate, individual and solitary, striving at times to connect with others and yet are left feeling like that desire is never abated, if we think of life as a physical thing these thoughts don’t make sense…

On physical terms we are composed of neurons, protons and other minute particles that join to make a larger piece, and yet there separated…

Just like ice water and steam…

The only thing that differences them is there vibrational rates…

We all vibrate at different speeds and even the “empty” space that lies between us must vibrate at a certain level for it to be in existence…

So just like that web we are always connected but just moving at different speeds…

Life in a way right now seems to be just a river that flows with rhythm…

That’s why the words were so important…

We are constant, our physical energy changing only minutely, any less and we would dissipate from this existence any more and we would ascend to something more.

Though the voice, the words uttered in invocation and in reverence have the ability to reach a whole scale of existence that all to often lies beyond the reach of our mortal coil.

Hebrew itself is a language that I have really touched on before, and although many suggest using these in your workings I’m not comfortable in using a language I don’t understand on an even grammatical level…

Two options are present:

Learn the basics of Hebrew….
Or use another language that I can actively use, Latin seems to be an option but my mind seems to flow more towards Romanian as not only am I far more fluent at this dialect it holds for me more history and admiration then the latter.

But will these hold the effect that the Hebrew rites?

I suppose the only way I can see is if I try.

On other things had a chat with my mother about the gay issue…

Sadly her thoughts still lay with the stereotypical, I can’t complain society does that to us… blends our perception… sometimes blinds us…

So I’m now “a” gay…

Yep, so I guess its time to buy an extra large mirror to see my beautifully sculptured hair in, and an extra shelf in the bathroom for my 'products', no longer will I sit at the side of the dance floor afraid to embrace myself, No! Now ill prance around like someone from a girls aloud video pushing ugly people out of my space.
Il have to take in all my t-shirts by 2 sizes and find a calendar with the picture of that guy from lord of the ring!

Come on people stop lying to your selves, unconditional love isn’t supposed to have strings attached.

(I could so do with an emotional scissors right now)

This morning over breakfast my friend Mary and I discussed our relationships and I knew today was going to be one of those days, Yep one of those being single just leaves you lonely days…

To clear the air with people I’m always left telling them I‘m not a flirt… gosh I don’t think I’ve ever flirted! If someone’s cute their cute, if there funny their funny, if there charming their charming… and I just happen to say it to them (like hello why hide it)

I’m blaming all of this on the hormones, current lunar phase, the lack of caffeine… virtually anything I can blame!

Quod perditum est, invenietur…

Or…

Amesha uint corea amatr…

Hehehe

Osha ista alorna et

Its not all bad, sometimes to see the sunrise in the beauty of a flower, or to hear the gentle whispers of the wind bring with it solace…

The joys of new love born each day through the hearts of the brave and the tender sense of loves first kiss bring a sweet reminder of the blessings of a gift…

But with the blessings come the sting of the curse…

Look upon it, the shadows beckon…

Those that walk the path between the worlds must face that which people choose not to look upon…

The secrets…
The hidden…
The silent…
The veiled…

Not to judge, for no mortal man holds that power, but just to know…

Then do people truly know?

We all hide behind so many faces…

Each and every one of us…

Brother… sister… father… mother… student… teacher… friend…. Foe…

All different…
Different smiles…
Different poses…
Different “us”…

There are moments within our lives that we let the barriers descend…
Open up the locked and bared doors…
Then it comes…
The what ifs…

At times it’s so hard to understand…
Like a whirl wind within the heart…
Fuelled by excitement as it is fear…
Its force touching the very soul…

It’s just like that single rose that grows in the dark corner of my garden…

Magical…

Splendid…

Beautiful…

But no one should dare touch it to risk the thorns…

Sometimes it seems like we don’t have that candle to guide us through the darkened path…

No compass to point the way…

No kind voice to beckon us on…

But as long as we desire to get there they exist, our view is merely shielded from their assistance…

The battles of this world are not fought among the trenches and fields of our land…
But within our heart and minds…
There lie the seeds of both desolation and hope…
Of cruelty and joy…
Of loss and faith…

We live our life in puzzlement to where we should lay our feet…
Which way we are to turn…
We fear the not walking as we do the still…

Even though love overcomes the shackles of time…
Stretch far beyond the limitations of the clock…
We all need reminding of it.

A few weeks ago I looked into another, I had no right to, but I did….

I don’t know why…

Or even if it was my need to look within or there need for it to be shown…

Perhaps it was my test as much as it was theirs…

Within us all stands the scales of light and of darkness…

That which measures our heart, our being and our soul…

Within him the light does rule, the past was one in which the scales did not stand steadily…

But that was then…

By all my gifts granted I know this person to be good…

That deep within their heart lies only good…

And that there future path to be of light and goodness…
I have told them often that they have come so far…

Never did I make the reference just to their study…

They fear that they will be betrayed…

Not by my lips…

For their secrets are not mine to be uttered…

The gods have made them as they are…

That was the fates to decide…

But theirs a difference between having a path and walking it…

I know they can carve from the mortal world their own path in this life…

I just hope they know that.



Yesterday night a message came to me, at first it was cloudy now it as clear as newborn ice.

Before the moon lies light upon the sky my gift, not the sights, as I have no will over their passage but the glimpse’s that bless me.

Those moments of tranquil bliss, that they bestow upon me and which I can call upon will be bound, until the time in which those who watch take heed for them to be mine again.

This isn’t a punishment, or retribution for that what has come to pass…

But a sacrifice by my own hand to them to show them…

Never to doubt that they can be a better person…

Never to doubt that they can face the past and settle wounds…

Never to doubt that they can rise above this…

Never to doubt that the can over come the demons of their past…

That the holy one’s forgive that what is sought truly in forgiveness…

I know it may seem like I haven’t known them long…

But truth doesn’t need time to be the truth…

It is what it simply is…

I haven’t taken this step lightly…

But I don’t do this in a heavy heart…

Let my greatest gesture of faith in their being be sealed by me greatest gift…

I believe in them…

There light will rule…

For they do have the strength…

I end this with a kiss

X


On other things I have gone over most of the texts I have concerning the kabala and have so far not found any references to guides in the form of animal spirits.

Indeed the Holy Guardian Angel is referred to many times but so far any manifestation of guidance through this perceivement eludes me.

Personally animal guides seem an interesting avenue and as nature is one of our most found manifestations of divinity I see it as worthy of exploration.
In order to truly evolve beyond the physical world we must at first understand it, as in where the Angels seem the embodiment of the divine light the animal aspect seems more of the collection of the mortal sphere and so to my eyes neglect ion of this embodiment leaves a form of understanding and knowledge untouched…

(I’ll search on)

Oh and with the blind date…

We changed the date to Thursday night, and I’m glad we did as it was something id rather not bring into the New Year…
Things started out really well, but as usually there was that…
Sense of beware that seems to stalk me on dates!

It turned out he had quiet distinct opinions on ethnic minorities, one’s that dehumanised others and seemed quiet open with words such as “tinkers” this topic doesn’t deserve further time or thought but ill just say I will most definitely not be seeing him again.

In other workings I've being trying to do a numerology profile on myself…
Darn maths!
Id be lost without the calculator! Though I have to admit it’s revealing…

(Off to attack the buttons on the calculator)

*Hugs*

I’m sitting before the laptop with a blanket around my shoulders with it draped down my back…

I’ve the flu…

You know the flue you get when your head, legs, arms, back, throat, chest, and ears…. Ugh basically everything’s sensitive to pain… well I have that…

*Pressing keyboard buttons lightly*

On Saturday I got to Dublin, after dragging my bag across the city I found a B&B that looked quiet like a large show box.

A tip to hold dear to your heart is no matter how good it looks outside never turn aside the thought that you should bring with you a hat and a coat…ever, after all this being Ireland the law of Murphy is in great effect and it will undoubtedly rain!

The high light of the trip was meeting a friend that I am just starting to get to know, a young guy filled with optimism, energy, drive, unbelievable understanding of deeper knowledge, zest and one of those cute smiles that you hear people speak about but never really see…

(My own Aura still has tinges of his orange from meeting him)

Sunday evening after getting to see a lot of the big smoke, I caught the 18:50 train to Galway; on the way back it hit me…

In the last two days it hadn’t happened once… not once… no flash of sight…. No burning words to be spoken, no unwanted shivers…nothing!

I had a weekend that I felt normal! I guess that’s what happens when you meet someone that has a certain amount of control over there own energy, it kind of kicks your own into shape…

And I’m grateful for that (plus I was given a gift that I didn’t expect and that I am confident will shine a lot of light on my path ahead)

Its nice to have friends that you can just sit there and relax with.

Another friend from collage, Susan has got her little black book to work (you go girl) and arrange a blind date for yours truly on Tuesday with her best friend…right now with the way I look I’m hoping he is blind… hehehe, with my current astrological aspects in play a romance may be on the way… sure only time may tell

:o)

Over the last few days I have being having a repetitive dream, in which I stand alone in a desolate valley, the sky above me is over cast and wild with darkened clouds, each time my gaze if drawn forward to where stands a almighty dragon with eyes like precious jewels and who’s strong claw lays clasped above a seal that lays at its feet…

Until last night the purpose of the seal had allured me, then it arose in meditation like a leaf from the depths of my subconscious… that was it… it was the waffiedyok.

This morning in an attempt to finish the ritual to Asher I wandered my way to the local wooded area and stood just next to the lake.

The waters of the lake seem alive at for time of year, ebbing and flowing with so much strength and yet within it lays the perfect grace that glows about all of nature…

I took off my shoes as a sign of humility, threw the finely carved effigy into the gushing waters and began my rite of passage with the LBRP, then I cleared and called the quarters…

I out stretched my right hand and visualised as strong as I could the symbols upon my fingertips, I atoned the words that flew from my lips like fire alive with passion and the spark of the inner will…

“Evoco vestram animam.
Exaudi meam causam.
Carpe noctem pro consilio vestro”

*Hear my plea.
Take this as your own.
Come forth and show me your truth

The woods that laid about me filled with silence…
Soon all that was left was the very beating of my heart

Still silence, had my callings again gone unheard…

I stepped closer to the lake who’s waters seemed to slow to a gentle pace and thrust my left hand forward so that both my palms were side by side; my toes dug themselves into the damp soil that lay at my feet…

“Evoco vestram animam.
Exaudi meam causam.
Carpe noctem pro consilio vestro”

Still silence… I could sense it growing around me…

My fists crimpled tightly closed, my nails almost digging into my flesh…

A deep voice roared from my inner being…

My lips twitched with the energy that flew around me…
Words filled my mind that I had can never recall learning…

“Cuncta quattuor numina, vos obsecro”

*Come forth from your place of the elements, into this world of the living!

The earth itself shivered beneath me…

I could feel its energy flow and ebb…

Reaching out…

Reaching in…

My final hoar…

“Intende!"

*Hear me!

Then it happened…

Like the wind upon my face I felt her power lay is sweet kiss upon my soul…

It was she…

The lady of the lake…

Without words or a sight, she spoke to me…

Not to my mortal ears but to my inner mind…

Her calming words drew the tranquil quilt of peace upon me…

She had heard me…

She always had…

It wasn’t enough to merely wish to seek her…

I had to demand…

To cross the either my words should be felt not as whispers but alive with the need…

And so there I stood and drank in her beauty and ecstasy of her being…

And so as one door is opened…

So another shall be closed…

This morning as I sat in meditation to converse with the spirits I suddenly had the urge to arise and go to my book shelf, my hand was swiftly guided to a book on the upper shelf, it landed on a book of Buddhist insight one which I had never gotten around to read, not that the desire wasn’t there it was just that I never did…

I opened the book and the pages fell on this quotation…

“Do not believe in what you have heard…

Do not believe in traditions that have being handed down for many generations…

Do not believe something because it is rumoured and spoken by many…

Do not believe because the written statements of some old sage are produced…

Do not believe in conjectures…

Do not believe in that as a truth to which you have become attached to by habit…

Do not believe mainly on the authority of your teachers and elders…

After observations and analysis when it agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all then accept it and live up to it,”

These words were uttered by Gautama Buddha over 2600 years ago, and yet they felt upon that page of yellowed paper that they spoke to me… and almost I alone…

That was the answer that I called for, that I sent my heart in search for…

The reason I find the teachings of the Kabala such a conflictive path is because I have always seen it as written upon stone, constrictive, laid out before me, rules and regulations of the inner fabrics of the universe…

Instead of seeing it as the knowledge of those that have come before me, a door into deeper mysteries, and a guide along the shadowed filled road of the arts…

I dare not take quick steps along this new venture…
Just embrace them when they arise…

Yesterday I moved into a new flat, the place feels cold and somewhat void of living, the past inhabitants seem to have left behind very little emotional energies which although at first seemed like a rare blessing now I’m starting to realise its not because as I stood on the balcony and gazed in awe at the ocean view, I felt the dry and colourless energy of the room just creep around me…

So I started to ward the doors, seal the exits, set the amulets in place and did a rite of purification, which ended in the LBRP and as I intoned the symbols I felt a ripple from my solar plexus which waved out into my entire aura giving me the knowlage that the rite was successful.

On Wednesday I finally got back to my studies and changed the intonements for the Romany rite of purification, changing the reference of the vastcha to vast-chi and Pen minge to Pen mange, which compensates for the dialect variants

"Pen mánge, oh Nivaseya
Čaveskro vást-chi
Ujes hin čavo,
Ujes sár o kam
Ujes sár páñi
Ujes sár čumut
Ujes sar legujes

Pen mánge, oh Niváseyá.
Cáveskro vast-chi
Kay hin Jhava m'ro gráy!"
So at the moments I have settled on the above which in rough English it translates to:
"Guide me, oh Nivaseha,
by your wise hand!
Pure as a child
Pure as the sun,
Pure as water,
Pure as the moon,
Pure as the purest.

Guide me, oh Nivaseha,
by your wise hand!
Set Jhava to guard"
Iv come to the understanding that almost all astral phenomena involve an increased sensitivity to the vibrations and energies of the astral plane.

Those that study the arts and especially the Qabala learn to direct this sensitivity and handle it and even sometimes to go beyond it rather then just developing receptivity to the energy, a state that I have yet to reach or at least to a level that maintains my connection to the neither.

The knowledge of techniques and psychology of higher consciousness availible through the Qabala could enable me to keep the visions unimpaired and protect my being from many dangers of which I am unaware off, this is something that I acknowledge although my resistance to the Quabalistic teachings is still in play which is a total enigma.

This I still do not understand, I feel comfortable with the LBRP because of its angelic representations which I have an affinity for but so far the majority of its teachings, which although speak to me as being more then valid, as a progression in my spiritual path still produce a inner anxiety regarding them.

I guess like most things it is time that will tell what lies beyond this peculiar view!

Love and light

Didn’t sleep last night, not that I got the chance to!

Found out around 10 pm that the landlady has decided to end the lease of the flat so I have to move out by Friday, before even going into the possible legal repercussions (not that I would fallow such a routue) I now have to reorganise my week, find a new place, move, and still get to collage and keep work going… So was up all last night sending out emails for work, redone my schedule (will be tough) and finished my collage profolio for the reflexology exam on Monday…

This morning I decided to do a quick Tarot reading for myself. I rearly read for myself as there are always to many mental and emotional blocks in play and the lack in energy (which is such a change) so with the resent news I though it was worth a try.

I descided to do the Eliphas Levi Spread with the Thoth Deck – It’s the wheel spread in which the north is the present situation, east is the wanning influences, the south is subconsious influences, the west in waxing influences and the middle is the key card which is needed to bring the north, east, south, west (respectivly) together into order so the situation can develope.

At north was 0 The Fool
At East was XIX The Sun
At South was XI Lust
At West was V The Heirophant - (why am I not surprised!)
At Center was XII The Hanged Man

Basically had a sense that I was starting a new path, which hit home very accuratly. The wanning influence of the sun denotes that my time of nonresponsibility for my actions and innocence is over.

The subconsious, interested me the most because I was quite aware of the fact that my energy has increased significally in my interests, as well as my love life (or lack there of).

The waxing infulences gave me hope that my teachings and learning will be able to follow through.

The only thing holding me back of course was the keycard in which was the hanged man, which denoted to me some sort of sacrifice on my part, to dedicate myself to uptake the ethics of my chosen path. Which I don’t completely understand…yet.

I doubt this entery makes sense, as im now on my 3rd coffee, and on my way to work (aka the living room)

Will be back later.

*warm fuzzie feelings*